SPEEDSLUT – Cimbrian Rites

“Under the cursed smokestacks of the North Jutland Heath, SPEEDSLUT emerges. Wielding the unbridled fury of the early metal scene their sonic onslaught is a call to violence.” Thus begins the biography of SPEEDSLUT, and thus I realise that, although I’m Scandinavian, my knowledge of Nordic geography leaves much to be desired. Turns out Jutland is a part of Denmark, and Heath is a fancy way of saying wilderness. A speedslut is probably a fast-moving, nimble prostitute. It brings a small smile to my mouth and a little spark to my eye to imagine a speedslut emerging from the “cursed smokestacks”, and there you have some of the premise for this album: I’m expecting a degree of silliness from these Danes, and a healthy dose of über fast metal.

Cimbrian Rites is the debut of SPEEDSLUT and whilst I normally try to avoid reading other reviews before writing my own, this band has enough hype behind them for me to realise that this is an album that is making waves in the thrash- and speed metal world. I don’t care about hype, but I am very much excited for this one, simply because speed metal often feels like a dead genre.

Cimbrian Rites opens with “Pestridden Stallions”, a song that immediately pulls us back to the Bay Area of the early 1980’s and practically shoves Kill ‘em All vibes down our throat. Not Master of Puppets, Ride the Lightning or any other early San Francisco thrash/speed album. This feels like I imagine it would feel if Metallica made their debut in 2026. The opening track is laced with decent riffing and harsh male vocals, but it’s the drums that take centre stage. Whether it’s a memorable way to start an album is up for discussion, but it fulfils the requirements by setting a fast, unrelenting pace. Things really pick up on song number two, titled “Asbestos Born Wrath”.

The aforementioned track is fast, playful and reminds me of classic German thrash without the industrial element. Even with the commanding vocals, there’s a lightness to SPEEDSLUT’s type of thrashy speed metal that we rarely get to experience, meaning these boys successfully are making their own stamp on the genre.

The next three tracks are all solid, with “Into the Grave” being worth a special mention as it switches up the tempo a bit and discards relatively light riffing for a darker, more adventurous sound. But it’s at track 6, “Stench of Evil”, that everything comes into focus.

So far, this has been a thorough and immersive album that’s clearly headed somewhere, and tracks 6 and 7 is where it was headed to. “Stench of Evil” and “Armageddon” is the dynamic duo of this record. They are the songs that truly cement the style of SPEEDSLUT within the realm of fast-as-fuck metal. Ironically enough, “Stench of Evil” stands out because it drags down the tempo, focusing on dirty, heavy riffing and fist pounding groove. It’s a standout song in and of itself, but it’s the fact that it sets up “Armageddon” that makes it so important on this particular album.

Because “Armageddon” has attitude to burn. It is merciless and living its own chaotic, murderous life. It almost feels like the song itself is hunting you down. Flirting with modern influences from the crossover genre, while staying rooted in its early Metallica style, this song is perfectly placed and the epitome of violent metal. To top it all off, it carries melody in a way that most thrash and speed tracks don’t. This is not just the standout track on this album, it very well might be one of the standout tracks of modern day speed metal.

“Stench of Evil” and “Armageddon” are so strong that the rest of the album just need to ride out the high, a mission that is perfectly achieved with two fast, furious and heavy songs to end it all.

When the dust finally settles, we are left with one hell of a debut-album. Cimbrian Rites has everything a great speed metal album needs, without ever feeling like a copy of Megadeth and the like. If this is what SPEEDSLUT can do with practically no experience, then I can’t wait for what’s to come.

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